Behind the Mask
by Twitchygirl
Summary: It's the end, the world is growing cold around her yet that voice persist in her head. "Show me Shepard, show me your sacrifice is worth it. What makes this cycle have the right to live?" Her thoughts turn to her crew. But the voice still wasn't pleased and even in her last moments, it was tormenting her. "No Shepard…I want to see everything."
1. Chapter 1, The Fall of a Hero

**Description** : _It's the end, the world is growing cold around her yet that voice persist in her head. "Show me Shepard, show me your sacrifice is worth it. What makes this cycle have the right to live?" Her thoughts turn to her crew. But the voice still wasn't pleased and even in her last moments, it was tormenting her. "No Shepard…I want to see everything."_

 _See Shepard's life from the beginning, the defining moments that made her truly the woman she is._

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 **Disclaimer:** I do not own the rights to the Mass Effect world or to its characters. My interpretations of these characters are biased of countless hours of game play and thousands of fanfics. If there is any questions you have please feel free to comment them in the review or send me a PM.

 **Warning:** I am trying to really scan the chapters for grammatical mistakes, but I am not the best. So please excuse this inconvenience. If it really bugs you, I am looking for a proof reader to bounce ideas and written chapters off.

 **Unrelated Note:** I know that my Skyrim Fanfciton has sat unattended to for a while. I have no intent of stopping it, I just have been blocked. I am starting to write again and thought using another of my passion to help motivate me would be good. I intent to try and stat writing and posting chapters of both very soon.

This idea has been written down for a very long time and I am finally giving it a go. I hope you enjoy my view of Shepard and her world. ~ 3 Twitchy

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 _"The Fall of a Hero"_

Burning. All she could breathe was the air heavy and thick with ash. Rubble pressed against her body at all directions yet she could still feel her fingers scraping against stone every time she tried to move. This was it, yet it seemed surreal. After all she had accomplished, these where her final moments…..again.

Last time she had meet death her body had been coursing with adrenaline, her armored fingers scraping against her back trying to stop the air leak. Her mind was already clouded from the pain she felt, the only reminder being the heavy heartbeat in her ears. Without air her mind began to grow dull, her body ached and yet it was so quick. It did not last for minutes but rather seconds as the icy embrace of space took over and she merely fell asleep far before her body came close to impact upon Alchera.

She was still tired, yet now it seemed that death would come slowly to her. Each breathe painful and yet a reminder she was still alive, still fighting. Yet she wanted to let go, there was no way she would survive being crushed like this, even if someone found her. Her continued struggle only brought her more pain, yet she continued to fight as she always had.

There had been no one to wish her well, to demand her to return as they steal a final kiss from her reckless lips. Then again such sweet words would have stopped her from her final decision. All that was left in her mind was the happy moments between her crew, those she had saved…and those that had died.

They say that when you die you see is your life flashes before you. It's true, you see every moment, mistake, dream and wish. Unfortunate for her, there was little joy in her flashbacks. Her life had been hard, filled without countless decisions that impacted all around her. She had sacrificed friends for the greater good, watched as thousands burned upon the planets as the reapers attacked. So many lives she had tried to save, and yet they had ignored her. She had always believed herself to be a good person, yet it seemed the rest of the world was not. It wasn't till the end of her life that she saw some joy, the sight of her crew. Those awkward conversations and meetings of each person, the personal missions as she tried to help them move forward. Even though her face ached by the cuts and bruises she had sustained in fight, it didn't stop her from smiling at these thoughts.

Somewhere in the distance she heard a voice, Liara saying her name. It seemed odd…frantic unlike her memories of Liara. The words 'Shepard" over and over again as the world began to grow dark.

* * *

A child's voice rang out in her mind, the voice sounded so familiar yet she couldn't place it.

"Hey that's not fair! I was supposed to see it all, you skipped out on me Shepard. Now we go back to the beginning and this time I want to see it all."


	2. Chapter 2, Mindoir

**Description** : _It's the end, the world is growing cold around her yet that voice persist in her head. "Show me Shepard, show me your sacrifice is worth it. What makes this cycle have the right to live?" Her thoughts turn to her crew. But the voice still wasn't pleased and even in her last moments, it was tormenting her. "No Shepard…I want to see everything."_

 _See Shepard's life from the beginning, the defining moments that made her truly the woman she is._

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own the rights to the Mass Effect world or to its characters. My interpretations of these characters are biased of countless hours of game play and thousands of fanfics. If there is any questions you have please feel free to comment them in the review or send me a PM.  
 **Warning:** I am trying to really scan the chapters for grammatical mistakes, but I am not the best. So please excuse this inconvenience. If it really bugs you, I am looking for a proof reader to bounce ideas and written chapters off.

* * *

 _"Mindoir"_

Within the Attican Traverse of the Milky Way is a beautiful planet by the name of Mindoir. Known for its sprawling forest and rich resources, the colony was formed after the First Contact War in 2157 CE. While the colony experienced decent atmospheric conditions, its precarious place on the edge of the Traverse made the colony secluded never growing beyond the standard 300 people. Many families escaped from council space in hope of building a life from themselves. Somewhere X- Military that wished to be free of bureaucratic red tape, others where simple farmers wanting adventure. Whatever the reason within a few years a close knit colony was formed. In the times of harvest everyone would join arms to harvest the fields, regardless of their occupational standing.

From what I remember my parents had both been within the military, my mother had hated the fighting and was the real reason of us moving into the Traverse. Father wouldn't dare be without her, and when she asked him to hang up his gun he gladly went with her. He was a strong man who often donated his time to the hard manual labor, mostly in construction. While mother seemed to spend her time within an office working on her data pad always. They rarely spoke of their time in the Alliance, though there where the days when dad would become nostalgic. At night he would tell me his stories of the First Contact War, how the turians bleed blue blood as our bullets bit into their skin. Yet with every story about fighting there was another about respect. He believed that you could fight a race and not hate them. That differences in the galaxy made it all the grander. While I never understood these strange lessons at the time, I strived to follow his example. It filled me with a curiosity of what the world beyond our simple colony was like. The aliens in the vids always had their armors on, except the asari, who were supposedly more fearful without a gun in their hands. The Quarians where the greatest mystery, what did they look like below those suits? Where they like the fish in the sea, or the birds that danced within the air? Was it possible that they looked like we did? These questions where constantly in my mind, and I would often fall asleep dreaming of the answers I would never know.

The other children within the colony would get together and play, often we would meet in our 'secret' locations and discuss the latest vids. In those days its toke weeks for Humanity's newest vids. The day the cargo ship would arrive, with other goods bought, was always the best. Those men would always drop off the latest news for us to watch. At first the vids would play on a loop constantly upon the television, so that everyone could enjoy the new data.

Everything was so simple, and while my heart would occasionally yearn for adventure, I found my simple life pleasing. As long as my parents where on Mindoir I would stay with them. Looking back I would have to admit it wasn't just my parents that made me want to stay home, his name was Ethan. Dark short hair, golden tan skin from working in the fields. Large shoulders that would have made him seem bulky if it wasn't for his thin waist. He was safe, simple and enjoyed his life in our colony. His family where merely farmers, and yet they worked harder than anyone around. He never disobeyed his parent's request, unless I asked him too. There was something about me that made him break away from his normal self. That shy kid would turn into a tough rebel if I asked him too. More than once we had sneaked out at night to go lay in the fields and watch the moons. We were caught several times, falling asleep in the soft hay till morning, yet he would always come with me without question. Haha, those where the days. It was Ethan that made me love Mindoir, who made colony life seem perfect and the best path in the world for my future.

It was on my sixteenth birthday that Ethan and I kissed for the first time below the stars. For once Ethan had been the one to initiate our weekly sneaking out. He insisted that we meet exactly at 12:00am, I hadn't even realized what day it was. When we meet he was the most brash I had ever seen him. He grabbed my arm with such force that I had never seen from him. Quickly those squished lips slammed into mine, the heat from his face radiating against my skin. While it only lasted for seconds, that moment affected me for many years. With one action it made me realize something, there where people in this galaxy that I cared for. People that I would want to protect with everything in my power. Of course this lesson wouldn't be realized till it was all taken away.

On my sixteenth birthday my simple colony life was destroyed. It was luck that kept me away from the delivery ships, or rather my massive crush on the tanned boy working in the fields. We should have realized that those ships where different than the normal alliance ones. The markings where all wrong, the blue a dark navy shade. Very unlike the typical alliance vibrant blue known as humanity blue. Unlike the sleek look of SSV Trafalger or SSV Hasting, two frequent Alliance Frigates that often dropped supplies in their rounds, this ship looked like something crafted by the Quarians. The metal siding had been patched together by different metals, as if it had been in combat multiple times. Yet for some reason it didn't strike us as odd. Even for a colony at the edge of the Attican Traverse we had never experienced any real problems. It would be a lie to claim our life was perfect, that we feared nothing. But half of the colonist where x-marines that had endured the worst of the worst. Their definition of a 'bad' situation made the worst case scenario seem like a walk in the park. Occasionally a rouge group of mercs would land on the planet, but often far away from the colony, because they where just looking for a place to lay low and no interest in drawing any form of attention to themselves. We had never prepared, expected…. dealt with an invasion before….

It was the sounds of screams that drew me from the slope of his strong shoulders, how those muscles seemed to flex with every movement. That horrifying sound of fear and desperation, a sound that haunts my dreams even now. It rocked me to my core, and as I stared back at the direction of the sounds Ethan was already in action. I felt his warm skin against mine long before I realized he had been shouting commands at me, telling me to run and hide. Something in his eyes made me move, made me too terrified to see what had gotten him into a frenzy. This was not Ethan, he had always relied on me to be the strong one. Yet this…..this brought for another side of him that I had never seen. Fear made my mind wild, yet as quick as possible I began to run the opposite direction of the colony. I had no clue to where I would go, merely that I couldn't stay here.


	3. Chapter 3, Mindoir: The Decision

**Description** : _It's the end, the world is growing cold around her yet that voice persist in her head. "Show me Shepard, show me your sacrifice is worth it. What makes this cycle have the right to live?" Her thoughts turn to her crew. But the voice still wasn't pleased and even in her last moments, it was tormenting her. "No Shepard…I want to see everything."_

 _See Shepard's life from the beginning, the defining moments that made her truly **the** woman she is._

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own the rights to the Mass Effect world or to its characters. My interpretations of these characters are biased of countless hours of game play and thousands of fanfics. If there is any questions you have please feel free to comment them in the review or send me a PM.

 **Warning:** I am trying to really scan the chapters for grammatical mistakes, but I am not the best. So please excuse this inconvenience. If it really bugs you, I am looking for a proof reader to bounce ideas and written chapters off.

* * *

Questions Asked/ Response to comments

 **Q** : Why is the fanfiction named Behind the Mask?

 **A**. It's not because of some sort of mask obsession. (Hints to my other fanfiction). Originally I named it Mindoir because it was where her story truly began. But it seemed wrong because if my plan to go through ME 1-3 works out Mindoir is only a chapter or two in the grand scheme. When I started to think about Shepard there is this 'commander's mask' she wears. While she opens up around her crew as she grows to trust them, she still is very reserved. Shepard doesn't talk about herself much, mostly allowing others to vent to her. She doesn't unload on the crew and so she is constantly holding things back. Controlling her emotions as best she can. Since this is all from the catalyst (reference being the childs voice in "The Fall of a Hero", point of view) making her show her past with all the details, it's like a internal view of Shepard that no one got to really see.

* * *

"Mindoir: The Decision"

My heartbeat pounded in my ears, drowning out my exaggerated breaths, as I put everything I had into running forward to the edge of the colony and away from the fighting. I didn't know where I was going or why, merely that my legs kept moving with a mind all of their own straight through the fields. The tall hay could have concealed me, was it not for my vibrant 'ruby' red hair. My thoughts didn't return to me until I was hiding in the low brush at the edge of the colony, my body collapsed into the ground unable to run for another several minutes. This horrible burning filled my throat, as if I could never gain my breath back no matter how hard I panted. Three point five klicks away from the colony and yet their screams filled the air, hushing the gentle hum of the space beetles.

I knew that I was too far to hear their personal screams, to be able to pick out who was who. Yet It was as if they where right there with me, screaming as if I had never left. This pain in my chest as I looked at was my home, the fires consuming the buildings I had known all my life, it was guilt. I was Alice Shepard daughter of Jonathan and Veronica Shepard the two best Alliance Soldiers on this side of the Attican Traverse. There was no doubt that my parents where fighting for the colony, trying to protect those they had learned to call friends and family. Yet what had I done, ran away like a child. I tried to glance around trough the brush, look into the fields yet saw no other children running this way. There where kids younger then me in the colony, yet they had not made it away.

My hands began to tremble as I felt my face turn hot and red, tears welled in my eyes blurring my vision. I could feel myself about to break, to start to cry at the impossible decision before me. There was no way I would survive to return, surely an alliance cargo ship would arrive today for our delivery, I would be able to flee with them. Yet what if the others did not survive….what if I became all alone? In all that despair a voice gently began to call out to me and for a moment the screaming stopped. "Alice, Alice listen to me. One day you will understand what I mean but you need to listen, you asked me how I know I am making the right choices in combat? No one can tell you what is truly right, but I know that no matter what if I can save others with my choice, even at the risk of my own life, then it is the right decision for me. It is better to die protecting those you love, then to live without them at your side honey."


	4. Chapter 4, Mindoir: Into the Colony

**Description** : _It's the end, the world is growing cold around her yet that voice persist in her head. "Show me Shepard, show me your sacrifice is worth it. What makes this cycle have the right to live?" Her thoughts turn to her crew. But the voice still wasn't pleased and even in her last moments, it was tormenting her. "No Shepard…I want to see everything."_

 _See Shepard's life from the beginning, the defining moments that made her truly the woman she is._

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own the rights to the Mass Effect world or to its characters. My interpretations of these characters are biased of countless hours of game play and thousands of fanfics. If there is any questions you have please feel free to comment them in the review or send me a PM.  
 **Warning:** I am trying to really scan the chapters for grammatical mistakes, but I am not the best. So please excuse this inconvenience. If it really bugs you, I am looking for a proof reader to bounce ideas and written chapters off.

 **Note:** Inthis chapter Shepard encounters the Batarians. Since they really are not mentioned in the first Mass Effect, let alone seen till the second, I wanted to try and make that still true for the story. From my research I know they envaded Mindoir when Shepard is 16. I have decided that the Batarians are not well known by humanity at this point due to lack of contact with this race. This would truly be the first time Shepard is seeing them, unlike other alien races. Later on, as we begin to go into the events of Mass Effect 2, the Batarians will become more well known to Shepard.

Also sorry the last chapter was so short. I am trying to not write massive long chapters that go through massive changes. Something about Shepard's change of heart felt like it needed to be a short blurb on its own chapter. Good news though this one will be much longer, and will be up relatively close to my upload of chapter 3.

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"Mindoir: Into the Colony"

I was sixteen years old and had never had any real experience in a fight. Sure I had picked my share of fights as a child but that is nothing compared to soldiers with guns. No one was going to quit because they where 'sorry', let alone the adults showing up to stop the fight. A few times my father would try to impart his Alliance training onto me, but the moment mother realized what was going on, she would put a stop to it immediately. Looking back I should have realized how much she feared me joining the Alliance, all my mother wanted was for me to have a plain simple life. That was her main reason for finally starting colony life in 2153 when my mom realized she was pregnant with me. While I always respected her desire to give me an easier life, at this exact moment it was a major disadvantage.

At the edge of the fields I watched the 'streets', trying to figure out what was going on. Everyone in the fields had vanished, possibly running towards the colony to help. The cost seemed clear yet those first steps from the fields, out into the open area of the colony, where the most terrifying. I felt so exposed, so defenseless as if in any moment I would be caught. Yet luck would be in my side and I would begin to move through the colony undetected for several minutes. Like many alliance colonies our homes where pre built and fitted together before we even arrived. Like little jigsaws stacked on top of one another. Each pod a bright metallic white, which glistened on a sunny day like a jewel in a sea of green. Each pod lined with long windows, allowing for the natural light to filter in, allowing us to save energy on lighting in the day time. Yet the sterile beauty of our homes now laid in a wreck. Fires had began to spread through out the areas, darkening the sky with its grey clouds. While she did not see anyone, there where marks that a fight had erupted. Stray bullets littered the walls of some homes, the glass broken in unable to stand the pressure. Alice was unsure of what had happened when she ran, but the sinking feeling in her chest told her all she needed to know.

The scent filled the air long before I came upon the first victims of the raid. It almost smelt good, as if someone had started to grill dinner, except their was no scent of the picklis trees we used for wood. Only that sickly aroma of cooked meat, burning meat. When I cam across the reason for the scent I collapsed onto the ground. My hand stifling my terrified screams.

In the street laid the crispy corpses of two of the colonist. For the most part their bodies where rather in tact, except for their chest and facial areas. In the kill zone was streaks of burnt flesh mixed with flesh that had tried to melt from the heat and instead burned. Later on I would recognize these wounds as a result of an incendiary clip. It toke several minutes to recognize who they where, the woman had worked in my mothers office. Often their daughter…T….Talthia, would run around as if a wild pijak was chasing after her. As I stared at their dead bodies the horrible realization hit me, these things where here to hurt us, what if they had tried to resist and died for it. My parents would resist….they would fight until they where dead. While those burnt bodies terrified me, slowly I crept towards them, my eyes glued to the bodies just waiting for them to try and grab onto me.

By the side of what looked like her husband, was a small grey pistol, with the name Kessler engraved into the side. I had never used a gun before in my life, yet the idea of keeping it with me comforted me. Maybe it wouldn't be as hard as everyone made it out to be, or….maybe I would come across an x-military colonist that would be able to use the gun? Whatever the reason it seemed like being armed was the best decision, even if it meant approaching the horrifying dead. As quickly as humanly possible I snagged the weapon off the ground and began a mad sprint away from the first dead bodies I had ever seen.

It would be a few minutes before I found a spot to hide and examine my new weapon. At the end of pre-built colony buildings was a slope, that resulted in the building being put onto support beams, leaving a small area underneath it. The kids of the neighborhood often slid under the building into the grassy area to hide in a game of hide-n-seek. Yet now it served as cover as my timid hands ran over the pistol. I tried to hold the gun properly in my right hand, fully extended, like those in the vids. Yet after a few seconds I began to feel my arm tremble gently, and knew that my shots would never hit their target like this. It toke me a minute to figure out where to place my second hand so that it would help support the gun, but not be in the way of my squeezing the trigger, as if I was cupping the bottom of my right hand for support.. Even with the gun in my hand, there was an odd surge of confidence, yet I knew better then to believe I was safe yet.

I began to move more systematically through the empty burning streets. Though I was a horrible judge of time, the sun which had been roughly overhead when the screams started, had began to work its way to the west barely peaking through the layer of smoke. I had wasted at least an hour running around like an idiot. At this rate everyone would be dead, or worst….gone. I had to make up a plain, a way to keep myself from wasting more time then necessary. Dad always said "Time is of the essence, you can ruin a mission if you take to long. The bad guys aren't gonna just wait for you to show up Alice.". Alice tried to think not as a colonist but as an invader, what would they do. So far there where not bodies everywhere, which meant either everyone had gotten to the shelter before the attack, doubtful since those in the fields didn't know of the attack till the screaming started. The more likely situation was that they where rounding people up. But three hundred humans, plus their captors, would need space and the ships had landed in the colony. As far as Alice knew there was only one space large enough to fit a ship and prisoners, the market area.

Even if she understood what may be happening, who would do this to them? The mercs had always left them alone, using the rest of the planet to hide from Alliance patrol. It couldn't be the Turians, Salarians, or even Asari, after all humanity had made alliances with most of the council races. Even those who where like humanity, in that grey area of being a council race, like the Krogens. Alice could have debated all day on who was invading her home, arguing with herself that the Hanar send the Drell when they want someone dead, but it would never get her anywhere. She had to stop stalling and with what little courage she had left Alice began to take the quickest path possible to the Market area.

The Market had been a large sprawled out area in their colony. Technically it housed more then the market, after all they couldn't afford to waste valuable space. A small park ran through the center dividing up the different outdoor pre fabricated shopping area's. It was where most of the farmers sold their crops to the colonist, where we bought our goods and where the frigates with our off world goods landed. What had once been the center of our colony, a place full of life was now filled with nothing but despair. Bodies littered the ground, some held weapons as they died, others offense seemed to be merely be that they where old.

Cages had been dragged from the cargo hold of the invading ship, cages that now held those she had once known. People had been shoved together like cattle, the youngest colonist separated from the adults in what Alice could only assume to be a scare tactic. While most of the colonist still seemed largely untouched there where those that where dragged out of the cages. The beast slid metal against their skin, causing steam to evaporating from the charred skin as the metal fused itself to its host. The metal bit seemed to be a harness for the machines that the wore. These same machines that seemed to dig into the colonist head, fusing at their necks as if it controlled them. Once a colonist was equipped with their new hardware they would be released and begin to walk towards the ship of their own free will. That cold dead look in their eyes afterwords, as If the life had been sucked from them.

But even the half dead colonist looked better then their captors. They where roughly human height and seemed to have a similar body structure, though most of the things seemed to be proportionally larger in the chest. Yet their bodies where clad in armor, hiding any form of deformity from the eyes. Too bad their faces showed enough. They had skin the color of pre-space books, that old stale yellow mixed with dirt. Had she been close enough she may have noticed the odd hair that seemed to cover their face, yet her eyes where glued to their eyes…..those four dark slanted eyes. What could have passed as a nose was a gross mesh of wrinkled skin, the rest of their faces covered in odd sunken ridges as if they had not eaten in forever. Alica had never seen aliens like these, they looked closer to human then the Turian's did….yet it was that same resemblance with humanity that seemed to stir uneasy feelings within the pit of her stomach. As if these aliens where just deformed sick humans.

From where she hid, behind a couple of crates that a poor shop owner had been trying to unload from his place for the Alliance workers to fill with goods, she could hear their strange gargled talk. Each colonist wore a thin head ban on, which held a translator that allowed them to understand the other races of this galaxy. Yet their words seemed to come in broken as if their translators did not understand all of their language yet.

"We almost have…..They are….down by….shelter…..only 20….left."

In a colony of three hundred only twenty colonist seemed to still be alive and free from the cages, well twenty one when you include her. Alica had to do something, find a way to save those that where not mindless, those that still fought for their freedom. But she was only one girl with a pistol….what could she do against an invasion?

Alice didn't even think before she began to creep towards one of the metal cages in the heart of the chaos. Golden shoulder peaking above the crowd, short dark hair a ruffled mess upon his head. His name left her lips before she even made it to his cage. Maybe he had seen her coming, or maybe he could just 'feel' her presence. Whatever the reason those emerald green eyes turned to look at her, disbelief apparent in his features. Quickly he pushed through the others to the edge of the cage his hands reaching out grabbing her arms to pull her close.

"What are you doing here! I told you to run away and wait for the Alliance to get here."

"But…but I couldn't lea-"

"Yes, yes you could Alice. The Alliance needs to know what happened here so they could save us,they can't go after missing colonist if they have no clue what happened!"

"But Ethan I can save you, let me undo the locks, we can all make a run for it!"

"No Alice, if they see you they are going to kill you. If we all start to run from the cages they will just kill us all so we don't try to free the others. Ugh I knew you wouldn't just listen to me, your like your damn dad, trying to save everyone even when you can't."

"My….my dad?"

For the first time ever she was seeing a side of Ethan that had not existed. His gentle smile had been replaced by a busted lip that left a crimson stained trail down to his collar bone. Those calm gentle eyes looked angry and for once he was scolding her, telling her as polite as the situation allowed, that she was being an idiot. Didn't he want to be free? How could he tell her no, to run back away and let them all be captured? Tears began to run down her face, streaking the dirt that had already stained her skin. Those tears made his face soften, made breath leave through his nose as those strong hands tightened against her arms.

"Alice I am not trying to be mean. I can't loose you, not like this. My fate may be horrible…..but at least I will know you are safe."

"Ethan…I can't be-be alone. You my mot-ther…..fath-h-her are all here. I don't wantto be alone.I would rather die here with you all then-."

Something hard hit against her right cheek, and for a moment she was stunned. She felt the warm pulse as the handprint shaped mark began to for. Though the tears she could see the outline of his freed hand as he drew it back down to grab her.

"Alice you have to leave us now. Don't try to be the hero, just run away now. Thee guards will be coming by to move us soon. I need you to go hide, be safe…please Alice."

She never got to make up her mind, to tell him that she could never do something so heartless. A deep gurgling yell filled the air, and Ethan's iron grip upon her arms slacked off. Her gaze turned to the sound and saw one of those things, the deformed human aliens, looking straight at her with an assault rifle raised. Once more her body filled with adrenaline as her flight or fight mode kicked in. The gun which she had held in her hand fell down into the cage in her shock. Alice didn't even bother to try and pick it up, as quick as her legs would take her she began to run back the way she had came, away from the creatures.

The sound of gunfire filled the air, yet she didn't feel the painful bite of a bullet wound. As those frantic legs turned the corner her eyes dared her to glance back, to see if they where following her. It was then she saw Ethan and his golden skin holding the gun she had dropped, as quick as he could he began to fire upon their captures, forcing the weapon into the unsafe ranges of over heating. Yet with one quick precise shot the alien landed a bullet between Ethan's eyes. Blood began to drip down his face as he crumbled to the ground. The gun tumbled out of the cage, those that had been within had already pressed themselves against the other side, trying to hide themselves from the gun fight. Alice didn't believe what she saw…..couldn't believe it. It was a lie, Ethan was not dead…..not because of her.

She never bothered to stop and check if it was true, though deep inside she knew it was. She never bothered to question why none of the horrible aliens chased after her. Why there was a loud bang, on the south side of the colony, followed by a deep rumbled as dirt was thrown into the air. Alice ignored all of this and more as she ran into the field collapsing within the wheat from exhaustion. What seemed like hours was only minutes as the ship, now in a rush, flew away….leaving her all alone on Mindoir.


	5. Chapter 5, Mindoir: Goodbye

**Description** : _It's the end, the world is growing cold around her yet that voice persist in her head. "Show me Shepard, show me your sacrifice is worth it. What makes this cycle have the right to live?" Her thoughts turn to her crew. But the voice still_ wasn't _pleased and even in her last moments, it was tormenting her. "No Shepard…I want to see everything."_

 _See Shepard's life from the beginning, the defining moments that made her truly **the** woman she is._

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own the rights to the Mass Effect world or to its characters. My interpretations of these characters are biased of countless hours of game play and thousands of fanfics. If there is any questions you have please feel free to comment them in the review or send me a PM.

 **Warning:** I am trying to really scan the chapters for grammatical mistakes, but I am not the best. So please excuse this inconvenience. If it really bugs you, I am looking for a proof reader to bounce ideas and written chapters off.

* * *

" _Mindoir: Goodbye"_

She laid there for hours, unaware of the time that passed by. When she first collapsed into the fields of Mindoir, Alice could only cry, the pain she felt inside gushing forth in waves. Every time she would try to _bite_ down upon her lip, to stifle the inhuman wales of misery that left her lips, the memories would all rush forth forcing her to break. She was drowning within her own grief, unable to keep her head above water. She cried for hours, until there was nothing left in her body, only the sounds leaving her lips showed she still wept. Her face was a bright red from a combination of tears, and trying to wipe them away. Her nose was clogged with snot, and each time she tried to flush it out, a new batch would fill in like magic. Her eyes where red and puff, they showed her distress the most. The bottom of her lip was a burgundy red, swollen from her nervous teeth as she tried to distract herself.

Yet even when she wanted to cry, when she just wanted to give up and never awake from this world, a numbness began to encroach her thoughts. Slowly she began to feel nothing for those around that where now gone, she was safe….that was what mattered. Alice would have never been able to save them as she was, she would just be another corpse on the ground had she stayed in the market. A darkness cloudy her heart and she felt as if it was a stone within her chest. A weight she could never expel.

Though she was numb….there was still one feeling that poked its way through, Hope. Alice was not strong enough to save her home, but one day she could be. One day no one would be able to hurt her like this again, she had to learn to be strong, not just for herself but for those around her. It was a foolish idea, she understood that, but something about the thought soothed her heart….made it all more bearable.

In hours when the sun had begun to peak behind the mountains, to the north of the colony, she heard the familiar sound of a ship entering orbit. Her eyes turned to the horizon and saw a ship. It didn't matter what ship, it could be the deformed alien's ship for all she cared, and it was a way off this deserted planet. So Alice began to limp her way back to the market place, her gaze set low on the ground as if she feared seeing that place again. It was possible that they would leave before she ever arrived, but there was no way she could force herself to walk any faster than she was.

The roads she had walked this morning seemed to be nothing of their former glory. She knew these roads and yet, she didn't recognize them. Those once white walls where tarnished by the burn marks of the attack. The marketplace was a wreck, blood had mixed with the grass staining the colony. The indentations where still apparent on the ground of where the cages had been set up. The worst part was everywhere you looked there where bodies. Some had been shot clean and simple, others had the marks upon their necks from the devices they had rejected. Her eyes refused to look to the spot where Ethan was, she refused to acknowledge his death was because of her.

The Alliance soldiers saw her first and where quick to make their way to her, guns raised. She stood still, waiting for them to decide if she was safe. They seemed to stand there watching her, maybe scanning her to ensure she truly was human. It was a minute later that a man broke ranks, stepping forward from the line with his weapon placed in its holster on his hip. The helmet he wore to avoid the scent of death and burning, was unclipped and pulled off. He had brilliant emerald green eyes, just like Ethan, and for a moment she felt the wave of nauseating sadness creep up. The tears formed on her face, yet she refused to let them fall…..she couldn't cry anymore.

"Hey kid, what's your name?"

"Alice, Alice Shepard. What about you?"

"Mark Sanders Commander of the SSV Einstein. Kid what happened here?"

Alice offered a small smile to the solider, the tears that formed in her eyes dripping down as she leaned her head down. The words tried to leave her chapped lips and yet nothing came forth. She tried to offer what she knew of the outcome and yet…..nothing came forth. The Mark seemed to see her hesitation with speaking, how hard she tried to explain it. He seemed to look back at his comrades, yet Alice didn't notice. She didn't even hear him open the com as a woman's voice filled the air.

"Mark I believe she is in shock. We should bring her on board, she requires medical treatment."

"Are you sure that she won't be a risk to our ship?"

"Look at her…..don't tell me you are scared of one teenage girl Mark."

* * *

Hours later Alice slept unease upon the frigate cot they had supplied her in the medical bay, the hum of the engines constantly waking her from the nightmares that plagued her dreams. At first the soldiers were going to put her in the common area with the rest of the crew, figuring she would benefit from some contact with people after the events she endured. Yet the doctor on board, an older lady by the name of…..Chakwas demand that she was in shock. That no child would be okay after seeing what she had saw, at first Alice tried to reason she was fine, to tell the woman that she was stronger than that. But there was something in those blue eyes told her the woman didn't buy her story. Every time she would try to rattle off an excuse the woman would look to her with such gentle eyes. She would let Alice tell as much of the rubbish story as she could before smiling and continuing her work. After the first hour of arguing, Alice gave up, asking that if anything she not be forced to lay on one of the medical beds. Too many people had been bleeding and dead upon those beds, she had seen enough blood for the day, even if the blood was long gone.

The air within the ship was stale, constantly being recycled through the ships Life Support Control Room. Her father had always enjoyed life upon a ship, going on about how even though it was cramped the idea of being able to zip through space was exhilarating. While she wanted desperately to agree with him, this dull sterile environment was nothing like Mindoir. It lacked the soft breeze in the fall months, the sound of the space beetles as they played their song for the world. The scent of hay did not fill the air, let alone the scent of dirt. This life could never replace living upon a planet, living in a world once so full of life.

Yet she had no home, no place to go. The problem with military life is that not everyone gets to survive it. Alice had never known of her grandparents, it was a silent rule that both of her parents agreed on. They would rarely speak of them, only that they fought bravely for the Alliance, and died to protect humanity. While Alice assumed she would not have to make the decision any time soon, after all they had to be going after the missing colonist, eventually she would have to pick a new home. But she was sixteen, was she even allowed to live on her own? Or was she going to be shoved into some over crowed Orphanage for two miserable years. No…she was too old for an Orphanage, but then where in Citadel space would she be able to live?

* * *

Even after a short luke warm shower, the kid still looked like hell. Her vibrant red hair framed that small fragile face. Had her hair been black, the bruising upon her skin would look far worst then its current appearance. As if that red hair hid away more then the grassy green eyes. While there was nothing physically wrong with the child, she had worked long enough in the field to know not all wounds are physical. Unfortunate for the child she was not as well versed in that type of medical practice. She had the spotters guide of mental illness such as post traumatic stress disorder and anxiety induced aggression. But that didn't mean she had the techniques to deal with such issues. In general soldiers suffering from mental health disorders often get time off at various bases throughout the galaxy to get they need they need. The last thing the military needed was a well trained solider defecting and causing mass chaos with their skills.

Still a part of her wished she could offer something to the child to make her feel at least more comfortable on the ship. Yet every attempt she had made was meet with those green defeated eyes staring blankly back. Heck she had even offered chocolate she had snagged from the Citadel the last time she had been on leave, but the kid merely pushed it away shaking her head no. Eventually she had convinced the child to try and sleep, yet Chakwas sat there staring at her sleeping form still trying to come up with something she could do until they reached Alliance Space.

The metal doors of the Medical Bay swished open and blue eyes turned to the man standing there with a glare. He seemed to hesitate, noting the child laying on a cot in the middle of the bay. With a wave of his arm he gestured for her to come out, more then likely to talk. Work never seemed to end for her and while Chakwas hated leaving the child alone,but she was sixteen….a few minutes away wouldn't kill her.

Mark stood by the doors when she exited, her offered a small smile, even though she glared to him.

"Is there something I can help you with Commander?"

"Well I assumed you would have your report in on the child, I figured I would stop waiting and just come see for myself."

"She has been through enough today, some rest will do her well, so I would appreciate if you allowed my patient her rest."

"Fine, but what about you Doc. You can't sit there watching the kid forever."

"I know….I just…."

Chakwas had moved during their discussion away from the medical bay doors and towards the small mess area they had set up. At this time of night most of the crew was asleep, only a small handful of the crew would be awake monitoring the com channels and their navigational systems to ensure the ship not only stayed on course but that its stayed running at all times. Yet that never stopped the crew from having a hot pot of coffee ready at all times. Granted the coffee was not always fresh, but it beat drinking the recycled water supply. With the cup of warm dark liquid in hand her gaze turned from the medical bay and to her cup.

"I will be fine, I have lived through wars and seen their horrors. Her on the other hand, this is all new for her. Eventually the shock is going to wear off and she will be faced with a wave of anger and sadness. How she learns to manages those feelings will define her life."

"Shes a girl who just lost her family doc, give her some slack. Sure we all do stupid things in grief but its not like crying for a few days will impact the fate of the universe."

"You don't know that, what if she becomes a councilor for humanity one day, or a admiral in the military. She has a life time of adventures in front of her and I don't like the idea that I failed my patient."

"Doc….she just needs a way to vent those feelings bubbling up. Look if it will make you feel better I will come by once she has woken up and take her into the shuttle bay area. I'll let her work off that energy, punch a few bags full of sand. You'll be amazed on how much different she will act after that."

"Mark she isn't a Turian, beating up a punching bag will do nothing good for her! She needs to learn to process her emotions, she needs therapy."

"Hey have you every tried working out some of that tension you carry Karin? Its just as good as any of your nonsense talk therapy. Besides its going to be a week before we are back to the Citadel for her to be admitted into the hospital for your 'therapy'. If your so concerned you should at least give my way a try, just until we get to where we need to go."

Chakwas peered down into her half empty cup, a small amount of coffee beans dripping down the side of the cheap white mug. In truth she had never been against violence, hell she may have betted on a few crew members when they tried to compete in boxing matches. But she had always been a woman of healing, not causing the damage. While she had the kids best intent in mind, her methods may not be the best for the child. After all she mentioned working on a puzzle earlier and the kid gave her such a cold look.

"Fine Mark….you can take a whack at it. But I will be finishing my report on her injuries tonight. If she ends up hurt in an way its your ass on the line not mine, don't think you can blink those puppy dog eyes at me and make me falsify my report like with Jan-"

"Uhm. Yes I understand Chakwas, we don't need to get into that."

"Good, now if you don't mind I have a report to finish and a patient to tend to."

"Yeah no problem Doc, but you do know her name is Alice. Maybe you should try to use it more often…..I'm sure she just wants to be treated like normal girl after all of this."

Chakwas didn't bother to stop and glare at Mark, he had a point. So far she had referred to her as a patient only, but she was a patient. Of course she knew her name was Alice, she had written it a million times tonight. But maybe that wasn't what Mark was trying to point out to her…..maybe he was just trying to remind her that she was human and not a statistic. Either way she settled down at her computer bringing up the already finished report. Her eyes scanned over the document making minor adjustments as they where needed. She hadn't even realized her patient Alice was no longer on the lone cot in the middle of the room.


	6. Chapter 6, The SSV Einstien

**Description** : _It's the end, the world is growing cold around her yet that voice persist in her head. "Show me Shepard, show me your sacrifice is worth it. What makes this cycle have the right to live?" Her thoughts turn to her crew. But the voice still wasn't pleased and even in her last moments, it was tormenting her. "No Shepard…I want to see everything."_

 _See Shepard's life from the beginning, the defining moments that made her truly the woman she is._

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own the rights to the Mass Effect world or to its characters. My interpretations of these characters are biased of countless hours of game play and thousands of fanfics. If there is any questions you have please feel free to comment them in the review or send me a PM.  
 **Warning:** I am trying to really scan the chapters for grammatical mistakes, but I am not the best. So please excuse this inconvenience. If it really bugs you, I am looking for a proof reader to bounce ideas and written chapters off.

 **Note:** I am sorry I haven't posted in awhile. Some things have come up and I really haven't felt like doing anything lately. I have tried to write this chapter several times but had to scrap it and start all over to get this out. I know its short but hopefully I should have the next chapter out since I finally got this one heading in a decent direction. I could have made the chapter longer, but then it would have taken longer to post, and you all have waited long enough!

* * *

" _The SSV Einstein"_

Alice was finally alone and yet it felt wrong. For the first time in hours the crushing desire to see her mother's smiling face sprung forth. Her mom was alive, or at least she believed her to be. After all most of the colonist had been captured and where stuck in the cages with… no her mind wouldn't turn to him. So far she had spent her time upon the ship trying to ignore the Doctor and her constant questions. The woman seemed far more concerned with how Alice was doing, even though she had told her a million times she was fine. Why had no one bothered to ask her about what happened on Mindoir, or at the very least her parents? It wasn't like Alice to mope around even as a child it was a quality she had. On her tenth birthday her mother had given her a bird found only on Mindoir, they called it a Scarlet Hoope very similar to a bird on earth, the bird only live for a few weeks in her care yet she did not mourn it leaving her merely that it had died. It was exhausting being depressed, constantly upset and going through a whirlwind of emotions.

In the small time of silence she gained from the doctor truly being gone Alice rested her head against the lumpy pillow of the cot with the hope of sleep. It toke a while of sitting completely still before she felt the first wave of sleep coming to her. Voices filled the air yet she couldn't really understand them, though she believed someone said her name. She tried to roll over to respond to the voice but darkness toke over as she embraced her dream world.

On the SSV Einstein military life started at 0700 for its day crew. The night crew finally done with their twelve hour shift are able to do what they want till 1900. The only time this schedule is altered is when the ship is docking for a few days allowing the crew some shore time. Thanks to the staffs cycle an ample amount of crew is awake at all times to ensure the ship is maintained at all times. She wasn't sure if the lights automatically turned on in the medical bay at 0700 or if it was the Docs work. Even if it was an automatic function Alice still glared in the direction of the older woman annoyed that she had been pulled from her sleep. For the first time in forever she had slept without dreaming, only the clock signaled that time had passed.

She was given a moment to use the shared bathroom, which was awkward to say the least. There was no where she couldn't look without seeing another female doing whatever it was they came in to do. While she tried to avoid looking at the few naked bodies around her she noticed that each one was toned with muscle hiding under the skin. Even those that were not part of the recon teams where still fit. The Alliance demanded their crews to keep in top physical shape, either that or the captain of this ship had a rough slandered.

Once freed from the awkward experience Alice was herded over to what served as the ships kitchen and dining area. In reality it was merely a counter space that had dishes on it, along with a few tables set up for the crew to eat together. Not everyone that grabbed a tray ended up sitting at the table, but the Doc insisted she sit at the table with the other shipmates.

"It will be good for you to be around people, after all these are the people that saved you."

You know that feeling when everyone is staring at you. Like the walls are getting smaller and closer to you, that even though you try to breath steadily your lungs don't seem to fill up with enough air? While it felt nice to be around people, to hear the humming of conversations filling the air, Alice felt too much on display to enjoy it. Instead she sat there her eyes glued to the mush on her plate, her spork running through the mystery food, moving it around her plate. It wasn't that the mystery food looked horrible, hell the others seemed to be chowing down on it as if it was their last meal, but rather she just didn't feel like eating.

"Come on kid it's not that bad. Sure Antonio's not the best cook in the fleet, but trust me you can mess up military grade rations worst then this."

"Hey tough guy if you wana get up early and put your heart, sweat and soul into this food then be my guest!"

"No wonder it taste bad Antonio, didn't your mother-"

"MY MOTHER! She has more talent in her little pinky then you have in that thick skull of yours! If she was alive she would be hitting you with a frying pan right about now for criticizing this feast I made for you all."

The cook, Antonio, went back to cleaning the dishes from the morning meal grumbling under his voice about his mother. Even though it was a childish display with the two arguing, Alice couldn't help but grin at the interaction as it unfolded. The man who brought it all, Mr. Thick Skull, turned his gaze from the cook to Alice ready to offer some sort of sentiment that the food was okay. Instead his caramel toned skin began to light up as he smiled.

"Look at that your smiling. Good at least one of us are while we eat this."

"I'm smiling still because I haven't tried the food yet."

The tables lit up with several 'ohhhs' and a particularly loud 'awww snap'. What had been civilized conversation turned to the group taunting between the cook and Alice. Some called out the chef saying things like 'come on we are supposed to be keeping the survivor alive Antonio, not giving her food poisoning' 'look she's too scared to even try the food'. One man did whisper out an 'I'm sorry your majesty isn't used to our food, but if you get hungry enough sweet heart your gonna have to learn-.' It was probably a good thing that she never got a chance to response that really no one got a chance to continue.

It only toke his presence to make his men become quite. Half of them hadn't even seen the man walk from the hallway into view. Maybe they just saw the look on their friend's faces and knew who could inspire such a look. Everything came to a halt as many of the crew members lowered their heads, trying to focus on their food.

"I am glad to see the crew is behaving around our young guest Alice. After all she is due to tell the council about her rescuers and how they 'acted' while she was in their custody."

It almost sounded like a threat, yet the way he said it…his voice was flat and calm. It was obvious that this man had a certain vibe about him, one that said to not piss him off or else. Alice finally gathered the mental strength to turn and look at the man and realized it was Mark. Mark Sanders Commander of the SSV Einstein, the man who had found her on Mindoir. She wanted to smile at the familiar face but he still had that look in his eyes. He seemed to notice her recognition of him, his gaze turning to her plate that resembled more a piece of crappy art then food.

"Ahh I see you are not hungry Alice. Come with me, I'm sure we can help you work on that appetite of yours."

Like that the Doc was moving out of the way, allowing Alice to scoot out of the booth. The Doc seemed hesitant and she could almost swear that when she patted her on the shoulder, it was harder than it should have been. No one seemed to want to stop Mark from taking her off, which meant even if she pitched a fit, Alice was going to lose this battle. So with her head down she followed silently behind the Commander as he moved back down the hall to the shuttle bay of the ship.


	7. Chapter 7, SSV Einstein: Shock Therapy

**Description** : _It's the end, the world is growing cold around her yet that voice persist in her head. "Show me Shepard, show me your sacrifice is worth it. What makes this cycle have the right to live?" Her thoughts turn to her crew. But the voice still wasn't pleased and even in her last moments, it was tormenting her. "No Shepard…I want to see everything."_

 _See Shepard's life from the beginning, the defining moments that made her truly the woman she is._

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own the rights to the Mass Effect world or to its characters. My interpretations of these characters are biased of countless hours of game play and thousands of fanfics. If there is any questions you have please feel free to comment them in the review or send me a PM.  
 **Warning:** I am trying to really scan the chapters for grammatical mistakes, but I am not the best. So please excuse this inconvenience. If it really bugs you, I am looking for a proof reader to bounce ideas and written chapters off.

 **Note:** I tried to get this chapter up in a decent time for you all. Hope you enjoy, I may have to edit it some later, so sorry if there is any errors.

* * *

 _"The SSV Einstein: Shock_ _Therapy_ _"_

 _Crunch._

Pain radiated from her left cheek, already the pale flesh began to turn red with irritation.

"Alice don't get distracted by pain or you are likely to feel more."

 _Omph._

A gasp escaped her gritted teeth as the males shin landed against her side. Surely if he had wanted to he could have broken her ribs. While this hurt, there was no crunching sound upon contact, no the man was taunting her now. Anger began to take over her mind as she felt her blood begin to boil. With all her strength she tried to land a hit against the man's chin, hoping to make him bleed. He saw her attack from a mile away and dodged to the side long before she would have hit him. The lack of contact left her off balance as she tried to stop her swinging arm. In an instant she was on the ground again, the cold metal feeling good against her hot face. The man hadn't even needed to hit her, really he just pushed her away with one hand and she went crumpling.

"Rage will make you sloppy Alice, never attack your opponent out of anger."

Already she could feel the sea of eyes upon her as her gazed turned to the cargo hulls observation deck. A small crowd of the crew was watching her beat down with mild interest. So far she had put on a poor show, getting tossed around like a rag doll. Yet she kept getting up and once more she shifted off the floor onto her feet, each hand raised into fist in front of her face like Mark had shown her.

"Again."

So far she had been the first to attack, knowing that the only advantage she may have was based on surprise. Yet her opponent was well trained with more experience than her. He could predict her moves before she made them based purely on how she shifted her body to attack. Alice kept her hands up waiting for him to attack first. They duo circled the mat a few times, waiting for each other, before the man jumped forward with his left leg aimed at her already bruised side. It was probably more luck then anything that she tripped out of the way, landing unsteady on her feet to the right some. Like any good fight though the next kick was already ready and it landed against her chest the instant she regained her balance.

Once more she tasted the metallic ground as she tried to regain her lost breath. After only five minutes her body had begun to hurt everywhere. The bright lights of the bay started to grow dim for a moment. Alice had to fight to focus on the voice yelling at her to 'get up'. Her body began to work without her will as she tried to roll onto her side to get up. Unlike before her attacker had waited for her to regain her footing before attacking again. The game seemed to have change though because as she began to push herself up a foot connected against her exposed abdominal. Quickly she balled herself up, tucking her head under her arms to try and save herself from the blows.

"Get up Alice! Are you going to be the Victim or the Survivor?"

Those words rang in her head, repeating themselves over and over again. Victim or Survivor?

* * *

There was an uncomfortable silence that set in the duo as they rode the slow elevator down. When she had first arrived on the SSV Einstein the elevator trip seemed to whiz by giving her hardly any time to prepare for what the crew may do with her. Yet now she realized how slow it seemed to creak by, as if intentional trying to drive her insane. It could be that she was uncomfortable alone with the Commander, even though she tried hard to fight her urge to lean against the wall away from him. It wasn't that the Commander was a mean man, he just had that vibe about him, and it was unsettling in a way. Plus she had no idea what he was planning to do with her, and while this was an Alliance vessel, she was paranoid after recent events.

The silence was broken only by the elevator door opening up into another metal hallway, this one equipped with thick glass windows. As they exited bits and pieces of her memories began to flash, the red writing on the wall announcing this area as the Docking Bay, the glass window looking down into a large room. The commander allowed her a chance to look down into the room below, seeing the same shuttle she had arrived onto the ship from. On the other side of the room was what appeared to be foam mats, set out along with equipment all around.

"Commander….where are we going?"

"Well I thought we would work out some of that stress. We need you focused later for your official story."

"Why hasn't your crew already asked me what happened. Don't they say the details become fuzzy the longer time goes by?"

"True, but kid I imagine you are going to remember that day with clarity for the rest of your life. Might as well give you an outlet so it doesn't eat you up inside."

As a child Alice had always been told, along with other kids in the colony, that when you got angry about something it wasn't smart to vent your anger out on something. That you had to learn to control it so that you don't do something stupid. It was sad to admit that her pillow had been on the receiving end of built up teenage angst but she doubted that was the Commander's idea. They walked into a room and down the set of stairs into the docking bay, one of the most spacious places within the ship and for a moment Alice felt calmer. It reminded her of being on Mindoir, though the metal walls where nothing compared to the warm grass and blue skies, but it was better than the cramped medical area. She felt more energetic and for the first time since the ordeal she just wanted to run around like a fool. The Commander seemed to notice her change because she almost swore there was the faintest twitch of his lips, like he was holding back a smile.

"Come here kid and let's see how you do against this."

Off to the side of the room was one of those old fashioned punching bags, filled with some type of sand. The commander gave her foam hand guards, which he helped her put on. While she imagined the foam padding helped save the bag from getting to banged up, she couldn't imagine herself being able to do too much damage.

"Go ahead Alice, punch it as hard as you can. Let's see how much you can make the bag swing."

Alice was quick to form her hand into balled up fist and hit the bag with some strength, expecting it to swing around widely. Instead it was like punching a brick wall, the bag barely moving against her love tap. Her gaze turned to her hand and for a moment she wounded how weak she really was. Had she attacked the aliens on Mindoir like that, they would have ripped her apart with her own hands. Yet she didn't feel weak….sure she had never strength trained….but she wasn't weak. The Commander let out a cough drawing her out of her thoughts. Once more he motioned to the bag expecting her to hit it again.

This time Alice put more of her strength into the bag, trying to make it budge. Again she was meet with the same result. Even though the bag looked like it was squishy, something about how it was made was like punch a rock. It was filled with an incredible dense stuffer. Unlike before when she began to question herself, this time Alice was quick to throw another hit into the bag. It was almost as if it was taunting her by staying still. A voice filled her head as each attempt resulted in only the faintest wobble.

 _"_ _Come on Alice! It's just a punching bag, hit it harder than that! Oh geezus. It's a good thing you knew how weak you were on Mindor. Ethan probably knew too which is why he told you to run. You would have just gotten yourself and everyone-"_

With a scream she threw her whole body into the punch forcing everything she had into the bag. While it did not produce the wild erratic movement, like in the old vids, the bag did swing a good foot away from her before returning back to its normal unswaying position. For the first time since she arrive a large smile spread over her face like a child winning a treat. She looked to the Commander with that smile, yet he did not seem to mimic her look.

"It only toke you five minutes to make it move, but I have seen worst. Tell me kid, what do you want to do with your life?"

He was being sarcastic with her, and that pride she had felt was crushed some. Sure she could have wildly swing at first, but she was sort of glad she hadn't. In a fight that last punch that moved the bag would probably never land on its opponent. Yet it meant she wasn't strong, but the bag had to be rigged for those big Alliance guys on the ship. They trained all the time, they were used to this….even once the commander must have not been able to move the bag.

"Huh. Umh…..I'm not really sure."

"Well everyone has something in mind kid. Sure we can't all be doctors or firefighters, but there is something we wanted to do."

She knew the answer, it was something she had decided not too long ago. Yet thinking of it meant thinking of the home she no longer had. The people she would possible never see if the Alliance couldn't find the weird aliens that stole everyone away. It didn't matter what her plan was, it couldn't be her plan now. But the more she seemed to hesitate the more stern the Commanders look became. With a sigh she couldn't hold back the answer anymore. A lie would be even worst then the painful truth.

"I….I wanted to live like my parents on Mindoir. Doing something to help the colony advance, to make it a place that my children would want to live. But Mindoir is gone, it's nothing but an empty planet now."

"True, but the point is kid you wanted to do something with your life. You wanted to live, so the real question now is do you want to still live."

"I don't want to die!"

The commander couldn't help but let out a snort at her sudden express of horror. Her eyes must have bulged out of her head at the idea, what was he trying to get at by asking her if she wanted to live?

"I'm not saying you are gonna die right now kid. What I'm trying to tell you is that when we experience things like what you have, we tend to break down and shut ourselves away from the world. A victim will allow themselves to always show their scars from events like this, it will cripple them and they will never live again. A survivor learns to cope with it all, the find something worth doing with their life and move forward. They are still have scars but they become a part of them, not the definition of them. You can't just become a survivor, you have to choose to be."

"Okay."

"Well now kid, let's try something harder."

* * *

"GET UP ALICE!"

The Commander's voice jolted her back into reality. With a jolt Alice pushed herself off the ground, stumbling into a standing position. Her hands where raised in front of her face, and while pain and exhaustion could be seen on her face, she was still trying to block any attacks coming towards her. She felt the dull pain as her spare partner hit against her arms, and sides. She knew that she couldn't beat him with strength but maybe she could let him tire out. He had the strength, but did he have the endurance.

She could feel the Commander's gaze on her with each hit. Hear the crowd that had formed by the crew pooling around to watch. Some screamed for her to fight back, others told her to just give up. Somewhere she thought she heard bets being taken on who would win. But most of the voices where just sounds to her. With each hit they seemed to become softer and Alice knew she was going down again soon. It was now or never. She began to look through her cracks formed in between her raised arms at her opponent. His warm tanned skin was covered in sweat, adding definition to his muscles. Even though the man was used to combat, he was breathing heavier than normal as he jumped around the ring landing hits on her every couple of seconds. Either he was getting tired or he was getting bored.

Alice dropped her arms allowing him a perfect shot on her. As he darted forward to hit her in the face Alice pulled her arm back as far as she could. Like the punching bag she threw everything into it, including all of her small frame. Her opponent had stepped closer to get a better shot and as his padded fist landed against her jaw, Alice felt her own fist landing against his jaw. She felt herself falling back, felt the dots form around her vision. Yet even with the searing pain she felt a sense of accomplishment. Her opponent stumbled back, his hand holding something on his face, blood pouring down. The crowd erupted into a booming sound as several screamed. She felt hands against her shoulders, trying to shake her yet she wished they would just let her be. It would be so nice to sleep, and even though she had only been up for a small time, she felt exhausted. In an instant everything went dark as Alice passed out.


	8. Chapter 8

**Description** : _It's the end, the world is growing cold around her yet that voice persist in her head. "Show me Shepard, show me your sacrifice is worth it. What makes this cycle have the right to live?" Her thoughts turn to her crew. But the voice still wasn't pleased and even in her last moments, it was tormenting her. "No Shepard…I want to see everything."_

 _See Shepard's life from the beginning, the defining moments that made her truly the woman she is._

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own the rights to the Mass Effect world or to its characters. My interpretations of these characters are biased of countless hours of game play and thousands of fanfics. If there is any questions you have please feel free to comment them in the review or send me a PM.

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Chapter 8

There was a beam of light that traveled through the sky. In an instant it jumped from Mass Relay to Mass Relay filling the galaxy with its unusual hue and for a brief moment all intelligent life held their breath in fear. Had Shepard made it to the Crucible, was this the weapon they had sacrifice everything to destroy the reapers with? They didn't know the consequences of that light, how it would completely alter their way of life….how things would never be as they where even once the Reapers where gone. In a way the Reapers had already won, no one just understood it yet, no one except her. She had tried to send a warning out to those she could, but without a quantum entanglement communication system on every ship…on every planet, it was impossible for her warning to reach them all. Yet she had already gone above the call of duty, for years she had warned the galaxy of the upcoming threat to their existence. There where even the few times in which she had placed not only herself, but also her beloved crew, in the way of harm to stop this disaster from ever happing. She had made the ultimate sacrifice of dying in this unknown war. Yet all she could do was delay the inevitable in hopes that someone was preparing for the worst. She was only one woman against an army with far more advance technology then her. It had been the galaxy's unfortunate luck that the only person who believed her, who prepared for the war, was the damned Illusive Man.

Those in ships around Earth who had not made it through the Relay in time, or maybe had no intention of every leaving the Sol System, watched as the Citadel began to crumbled apart. The Citadel was more then a simple space station, it represented all power within the galaxy. It was where the elite few ruled over the governing masses trying to keep peace within the galaxy. Yet they had failed their mission and it was only right that this symbol would have to be sacrificed to return order to the galaxy. In its final moments the Citadel was open like a flower warming itself against the Sol Systems sun. The Crucible, an attachment made for the Citadel consisting of all technology within the galaxy, sat at the center of the flower burning away. Even as the power was failing, the station fought to keep itself active, to stay where it had been placed and keep from falling into the blue planet below. Its artificial gravity and life support systems failing. There was only a few brave souls who remained upon the crumbling station, those that had sacrificed everything.

In the ashes upon the deserted station there was a sound, a groan as pain returned to the once unconscious mind of Commander Shepard. She felt the pain in her body come flooding back, the pain she had forgotten during her flashback to the past. It all came back in a sudden rush; fighting in the streets of London to make it to the Crucible, her fight against what had once been called the Illusive Man,the destruction of the crucible as she tried to run away from her fate once more. Yet now there was no rush of adrenaline to dull away her pain. So many times Shepard had cheated death, escaped the impossible situations, and yet today it seemed she was destined to repeat her fate upon the original Normandy.

Smaller rocks around the woman began to shift, some rolling away onto the metallic floor of the Crucible. Her body tried to wiggle itself free, or at least into a more comfortable position. But there was no escape from the jagged rock against her back, and the rumble crushing her from above. The increase in active forced her to take in deeper breaths, possible due to the broken bones that had been disturbed by her actions, and yet those breaths would come out ragged. The ash filled air would offer no relief in this moment, but only causing a burning sensation within her body. With each breath it seemed to become harder to breath, her lungs unwilling to breath in the smoke filled air.

Her mind was growing dull yet she remembered something, a voice…..a child's voice. It had spoken to her asking something of her. She was not supposed to be here yet, the show wasn't done yet. Maybe the child had been to slow to ask its question, it was possible the grim reaper was knocking on her door. God knows she lost a lot of blood from her wounds, especially as she laid with Anderson ready to die. Even if it was childish she felt as if the child owed her….that it should delay her moment of misery long enough for the story to be completed. No one liked a cliffhanger and they hadn't even gotten to the good stuff. A soft shade of blue filled her mind, and for the second time that day tears began to fall down her face.

"Where not done….why..?"

"SHEPARD WHERE ARE YOU!"

"What…why do-"

"SHEPARD!"

"WHAT?"

She managed to scream out the word, the voice calling out her name was beginning to irritate her already dazed mind. She had just wanted to die, yet the child made her show her past and now it was screaming at her for fun. Yet it wasn't the voice of the child that called out to her then. A screeching cry left something beside her as she felt warm hands against her own. Tears landed on her face and her eyes fought to focus on that shade of blue, the same shade that had caused Shepard to cry. Yet she couldn't remember why the color blue made her sad. Once more the voice called out her name softly, no longer filled with the desperation as before. She said the name of the voice before she even realized who it was, before her eyes could focus on those blue orbs filled with tears staring back.

"Liara….."

Green eyes the color of grass bathed in the golden light of the sun became dull. The word which tried to form on her cracked lips halted, frozen in time. There was no sudden tensing of the muscles, but the way her body now began to relax made her look tense only seconds before. While there seemed to be no pain in that second, it did not ease the pain in Liara's heart as she watched the light leave Shepard's eyes as death embraced the only woman she had ever loved in this galaxy. There was only one final word echoed in space as silence toke over, the spreading light faded away into the edges of our stars where the true darkness begins..

"Shepard."

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 **JUST KIDDING GUYS! Shepard isn't dead I couldn't help but right this chapter because we all know what today is, its NOVEMBER 7th A.K.A. N7 DAY!**

 **Wooooooooooo! I hope you all have a wonderful day and play lots of Mass Effect today. Read lots of fanfiction too! Remember to wear your nerdy clothing with pride on this wonderful day. Kiss your Garrus, Thane, Wrex, Grunt, Liara, Tali, Jack, Kasumi, Mordin, James, Legion, Javik, Samara, and maybe Jacob figures or whatever you may have within your collection. ((Cause lets face it Miranda is a bitch that no one likes, Ashley is equally annoying and ugh….Kaiden lets just not go there. Plus if you tried to kiss Zaaed he would just ram his rifle into your face.)) But that's just my opinion…no need to spread it around. Just freaking celebrate the creation and continuation of a wonderful game that has given us all something to love as a community.**

 _ **((Just encase you are worried the events in this chapter DID NOT happen. That's right I am a cruel writer who wanted to pull at your heart strings with this fake chapter. While this scene may happen later on (I can't give away my secrets) I don't intend to kill Shepard off before we get to the good stuff. So there is no need to worry yet cause lets face it we all want to see some blue alien sex scenes. *wink* Just kidding….maybe.))**_

As always remember to please leave reviews on what you like and didn't like so far! They really help guide me and motivate me to write more chapters! ~Twtichy


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